"I'd Wear Dirty Pants If I Had To!"

[TOTP - February 2000 Issue 60]

Something strange has happened to Scott Robinson. He's gone all domesticated - sort of…

I don't mind doing the washing and I'm actually pretty good at it. I know that if you're doing whites you should put them on at 40 degrees on a fast spin. The only thing I've ever ruined is a pair of Kerry's trousers. She went mad, but it wasn't my fault - she should have told me I couldn't put them in the tumble dryer. When I was sharing the Five house with the lads we used to dump our sweaty clothes on the floor and leave them there for months on end. When we were moving out we found a huge ponging pile and had to chuck 'em all away.

The Five house was disgusting, absolutely disgusting. We just couldn't be bothered, you know, five lads living together, having a good drink, ordering pizzas and making J do a kebab run every night. We used to make him get a dozen kebabs, eat what we wanted then heat up the leftovers the next morning. The toilet leaked as well and until my dad came round and fixed it people used to come out of the bathroom with wet feet! It was horrible.

These days my house is pretty tidy because I get a lot of help with the cleaning from my girlfriend. I don't have to do too much, but I buy those Flash wipe things that they advertise on TV and use them to bleach the sides every time I cook. I even picked up a loo brush the other day. I hate hangers, so the one thing I don't do is hang up my clothes. In fact there are so many clothes on the floor of my bedroom you can't walk, you have to swim through!

The only chore I actually enjoy is cooking, all that Masterchef stuff an' that, but I'm not very good at it. The other day I was making dinner and I burnt my hand when a Yorkshire pudding spat at me. I didn't make a fuss though, I just stuck some Germolene on it and carried on. My best dish is pizza, which I make from scratch. I haven't got that many gadgets in the kitchen, but I do own a blender which I used for cocktails and milkshakes.

Well, I'd better get this washing finished. Luckily I don't have to go to the launderette these days because we've got a machine at home, but if I got my washing mixed up with someone else's there's no way I'd keep it cos it'd still be smelly, wouldn't it? And if I went to the launderette near me and stripped down to my undies like that old Levi's ad, someone would probably come in and beat me up. It's a bit rough where I live. You don't do things like that!