The Ultimate Lad Test with 5ive
1. If you met a girl you liked and did the whole 'phone number-swapping'
thang, when would you call?
- Sean: "Ooh, it would depend. If she was really beautiful, I'd definetely
call her within the week"
- Scott: "If, say we met on Monday, I'd probably ring on Wednesday or
Thursday. I'd leave it a little while."
- Rich: "Yeah, three or four days sounds right. If I really liked her I'd
probably leave it longer than if I didn't."
- Abs: "I'd phone her the next day - if you like someone there's just no
point in leaving it."
- J: "I'd play it a bit cool and wait three days. I'd never call the very
next day - no way."
2. Have you ever considered dropping yer trews and pulling a moony?
- Sean: "Yeah, I've done it a few times. I've sung songs on a bus and pulled
moonies at the same time!" Eek!
- Scott: "Yeah, me and J opened the slide door in the van and did it once. Ha
- Rich: "I did one when I was in the scouts once. I was 11. I haven't done it
since, though - it's soooo vulgar!"
- Abs: "I agree. It's funny to watch but I wouldn't do it myself."
- J: "Why not? It's ace. I've pulled moonies everywhere - in hotels, in
airports, on buses, in cars on the M6..."
3. How often d'you change your boxers?
- Sean: "It depends how many clean pairs I've got. Four or five days would be
the longest I'd leave it."
- Scott: "About, erm, every two days, but not without taking them off and
- Rich: "Every day - I feel scummy if I don't. I change my socks, too, before
they go crispy!"
- Abs: "Every day. If I don't have any clean ones to wear I just have a
shower and don't wear any."
- J: "Every day...sometimes twice. I'm really clean, me."
4. If you had to choose between watching footie on TV and a date with your
girl, which's it be?
- Sean: "If it was England, I'd ask my girlfriend to watch with me, then make
up for it with a really special date afterwards."
- Scott: "I'd pick the date any day. I could tape football, but I couldn't
tape the date."
- Rich: "The date, definetely. I'm not an avid footie fan and I always hear
the score on the news."
- Abs: "Seeing my girlfriend 'cause I only like watching football when the
World Cup's on. I find it boring!"
- J: "The date. Girls are more important than football. They're more
important than most things, in fact."
5. If you get off with a girl at a party, do you tell your mates all the
- Sean: "Nah, I wouldn't go bragging to everyone about it. I might tell
someone in passing, but that's it."
- Scott: "If it was just a kiss, I'd tell a couple of people but if it was
more, then it's none of their business. I wouldn't even tell my best mate
- Rich: "I'd tell everyone in the band, but not, like, details. I'd be very
vague about it!"
- Abs: "I wouldn't tell anyone, no way - what happens is private."
- J: "Oh, I'd tell some of my mates that I'd kissed her, but nothing else.
It's sad telling everyone any more."
6. What are the ingredients of a Victoria Sponge?
- Sean: "I haven't a clue! Erm, milk and flour?"
- Scott: "Flour, butter and milk. Mix 'em together, put it in a baking tin
and stick it in the oven at 180 degrees."
- Rich: "Eggs, flour, sugar and milk. You whisk it around, add some milk and
put it in the oven. Then put jam and cream in the middle!"
- Abs: "Flour, eggs, milk. You put the flour in a bowl with the egg and
butter , then cook it."
- J: "Flour, water, egg, sugar and salt. You sift the flour, stir in the
butter, then bung it all in the oven. I know these things - I'm a talented
7. How many kinds of curry dishes can you name in 60 seconds... starting
- Sean: "Chicken tikka, biryani, vindaloo, naan bread, onion bahjees, erm,
lemon chicken, chicken curry, beef curry, poppadoms."
- Scott: "I haven't a clue, I hate curry."
- Rich: "Jalfrezi, dhansak, chicken tikka, massala, lamb balti, meat balls,
vindaloo, prawn curry. That's it."
- Abs: "Chicken tikka, korma, balti, hot, medium...oh I don't know."
- J: "Biryani, vindaloo, rogan josh, tandoori, bhuna, jalfrezi...I can cook
curry. I make a wicked korma!"
8. Which celeb would you rather be - Chris Evans, Liam, Gary Barlow or
- Sean: "Liam Gallagher. He has a real laugh."
- Scott: "Gary Barlow - I respect him and his music. Not Liam - he spends
most of his time in the pubs."
- Rich: "I wouldn't wanna be anyone but me, but if I had to choose, I'd be
Liam 'cause he doesn't give a damn."
- Abs: "Chris Evans. It'd be nice to know what it's like to have your own
radio show...and be ginger!"
- J: "Yeah, Chris Evans - he does what he wants."
~WHAT A RESULT~
1. More than three days= 5 lad points. Three days or fewer= 0 lad points
2. Yes = 5 lad points. No= 0 lad points
3. Less frequently than every two days = five lad points. Every two days or
more frequently = 0 lad points
4. The footie match = 5 lad points. The date = 0 lad points
5. Yes = 5 lad points. No = 0 lad points
6. Less than three correct answers = 5 lad points. Three or more correct
answers = 0 lad points (Correct answers : flour, eggs, butter, sugar,
baking powder, cream and jam)
7. More than five = 5 lad points. Five or fewer = 0 lad points
8. Liam or Shris = 5 lad points. Peter Andre or Gary = 0 lad points
NOW ADD UP THOSE POINTS
So how did the 5ive lads and your boy fare?
ABS: 5 lad points
SCOTT: 5 lad points
J: 15 lad points
RICH: 20 lad points
SEAN = 30 lad points
0-10 Awww! Far from being a fisticuffin', curry-scroffin' lad, he really is
a bit of a softie at heart. He loves hanging out with his mates but loves
you just as much and will always check his behaviour when you're around -
fab, so long as he doesn't go too soppy on you!
15-25 An average lad, he's destined to act up sometimes (as they do), but
is unlikely to shame you or so anything too serious. Yes, he will bug or
embarass you occasionally, but deep down he really does care and he isn't
too saddy laddy to tell you!
30-40 Eek! You'd best watch this one! Let him out of your sight for too
long and gawd know what he'll be up to. A real cheeky one, he loves
impressing his mates and if that means breaking a few hearts and a few
rules, so be it. Oh dear!